« Welcome to Pearl’s Paradise! | Main | Leadership Lessons from Real Life: “Hey, Coach!” »
“Dear Kate, End the show before it’s too late.”
By admin | March 24, 2009
Dear Kate,
You don’t know me. You have no reason to trust my advice. I am, after all, just a Christian guy who, along with his wife, has managed to stay happily married for nearly 21 years. With just three kids (16, 14, and 11) living under the roof of our townhouse I know my experiences pale in comparison to the complexity of managing your brood. Somehow, though, I hope you will hear what I have to say and take my advice to heart.
As I took my turn on the treadmill last night I tuned into the “season finale” of your show, “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” Throughout the second half of the hour last night the producers repeatedly teased the “cliff hanger.” They interspersed the cuts of the kids getting royal treatment court-side with the Harlem Globetrotters with cuts of Jon uttering phrases like, “…if we are back for a fifth season…” and “I can’t be just ‘Jon,’ I’m ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′…”.
I knew where the trip was heading long before the train hit the station. I have seen the rumors on the Internet. I have seen the photos of Jon looking toasted as he visited a local bar near his parents house. I knew there was trouble in Paradise (or whatever Lancaster area town in which you now live) months ago. Over the past week the network made sure they milked your dilemma for all it was worth.
I am sure the ratings for last night’s show were through the roof.
There was, however, something vaguely creepy and distinctly ominous about the ending. At the risk of speaking out of turn, I feel compelled to offer you some urgent advice.
End the show.
End it now.
Take the money you have made so far and run for the hills.
Don’t look back.
For nearly two years as I have watched your show, Kate, I have told my wife, “That is a couple on the way to divorce.” Although I am no psychologist or family therapist I have witnessed the break-up of too many marriages to miss the warning signs.
It started with the way you would condescend to and belittle Jon, often in public and always on camera. I saw the look on his face. At first he tolerated it and would just roll his eyes. Silence, in such circumstances, speaks volumes. As time wore on, though, he began to fight back, often verbally parrying and thrusting with you to draw clear boundaries about just how much emotional abuse he would tolerate.
But you refused to back down. If anything, you pushed harder to assert yourself as he pushed back. The signs grew increasingly unmistakable. There was the marital equivalent of a category 5 hurricane heading straight for the set of J&K+8.
After what I saw last night I am now convinced…
Jon shared an intimate thought during the final moments of the season-ending interview and you rolled your eyes.
If you continue the show, Kate, you will one day find yourself hosting “Kate Plus 8″ alone.
Jon will no longer be by your side. Your marriage will be over.
You must ask yourself a simple question. Is “living [your] dream” and insisting that Jon go along for the ride worth that high a price?
In that final interview last night you made certain to highlight just how wonderful life is for you, going so far as to interrupt Jon and cut him off when he said something to imply that all was not well in Gosselin-land. When Jon made it clear he wanted out – no fifth season – returning to the way it was, you brushed him aside and pressed forward.
You are clearly in the driver’s seat, Kate. What I see on the screen is no longer a marital partnership. It is a marital dictatorship. As long as you are happy Jon must suck it up and get over his sadness.
For Jon, though, helping you live your “dream” has become his nightmare. It is increasingly clear that he no longer recognizes the woman who sits to his left during the interviews. It seems as if he doesn’t even “like” you much. He may still love you, but losing the spark of “liking” your spouse is the marital kiss of death.
You explained last evening how you love the fact that Jon works from home. Jon immediately said he hates it. You brushed off his concerns and again insisted on your own happiness as if Jon’s happiness is irrelevant.
You love the fact that you have your new mansion and all that property surrounding it, property you called, “Mine!” on a recent episode. Jon yearns for the way it was, when anonymity and a smaller house meant greater intimacy even if it meant greater headaches.
You love the fact that you are out speaking, writing, popping in on Oprah, and sitting in the limelight. Jon just wants to go back to being Jon and Kate Gosselin with their eight kids, not “Jon and Kate plus 8.”
Marriage, Kate, is about two parts coming together to form one whole. When one part or the other is in ill or in pain the whole suffers. As a Christian you are familiar with the notion that the Body of Christ is one whole made up of many different parts. Jon and you previously managed to craft a balanced, albeit half-crazed, whole. Now your life has become just, “The Kate Show” and the balance between you is long since gone.
Jon gets it, Kate. You clearly don’t.
If you don’t stop and turn off the cameras your marriage will end. It may make great TV and it make someone very rich in the process, but it will end and it will end publicly.
As I said, I am no psychiatrist and I am certainly no Dr. Phil. I am, however, a keen observer of human interaction. I recognize the body language of distance when I see it. Jon is sending you clear signals and you simply won’t listen. His trips out to bars with coeds are a desperate cry for your intimacy. You best not ignore them.
I am well aware that turning off the cameras will be the toughest thing you ever do in life. I don’t underestimate how hard it will be for you to give up the glamor of personal assistants, hair stylists, upgraded clothes, and private limos to shuttle you to and from TV studios. I am sure that kind of public notoriety is intoxicating if not addictive.
If you love your husband and you want your marriage to go the distance, though, ending the “Jon and Kate plus 8″ show is what you must do. You have no choice.
And one other thing, Kate, try exerting some overt kindness for change when you are dealing with Jon. Men can take emotional abuse for only so long before they rebel, often in passive aggressive ways.
The best thing you can do for Jon, your children, and your marriage, Kate, is to walk away from the TV empire now and never look back. Downsize from the new $1.3million dollar mansion, bank the money you save as a result to provide for the kids and their education, and go back to living a life of relative anonymity. Keep on writing and speaking if you must, but keep it all in check, knowing that NOTHING is as important as your relationship to your husband and if your relationship to Jon suffers, your whole family suffers.
If you don’t reign yourself in, Kate, you will no longer be “Jon&Kate+8.” You’ll just be “Kate” sitting alone on the interview couch. Life will never again be as sweet or as full as it was in the days before fame sprang from your womb.
Topics: Family | No Comments »
Comments
You must be logged in to post a comment.